Lara Durback

February 23, 2009

At the Economic Stimulus Time

Motherfuckers using Economic Stimulus checks to go to the restaurant. And then I saw you there making payment. Barely sleeping again. The old gas station said 1.34 and 9/10. We were wondering where we are.

This is a toxic person. A toxic person likes space around them a toxic person addicted to longing. There is no shopping anymore so the system becomes something else. GPS. I am going to find you. We ended up at a dirt road. It machine knew exactly the location of nothing.

There were about 1000 people who wanted immediate service. Immediate service. I shit you knot. A knot. A group of people rushing with money gripped in fists and fistful o fear. Take take take your GPS knot it will talk to you while you drive. Get up at 6AM and go somewhere down the street get depressed that it’s not your original café. Get up because nightmares, they want you to work. A compression in the chest and no yoga today. No reward. I’ve been for sure missing it. The lids compress and fall.

Costco.com GPS 200 400 500 600 dollars knows all about directions

Desperation now my love you know. My wrists went like rocks then limp. My wrists and whole body was like rubber it came out but I was so embarrassed to say it to you. I could see the sad in your eyes you could not make the rubber or the rocks come out.

I AM LIKE A CAT!!!! I screamed. I HATE CHANGE!

Somebody on the street told me the neighborhood off of Park Blvd. had once been attempted to be made into Oakland’s Castro by a politician. This man screamed about Obama and screamed about what he wanted and he screamed about the shady people that closed the other café and almost sold the glass sculptures there that belonged to an artist. And he screamed that he was angry about Chinese people being there in the neighborhood. And he screamed that I should read Shirley DuBois who is WEB DuBois’ wife. I just look at this man. I want to check his facts. I want to accept him though he is embarrassing in his drunken honesty. He is aware that he is a bigot too. He slurs this in some way. He is crying.

He wanted to talk to me because I had peered curiously in the window of the café which was suddenly empty. I saw them packing in a disheveled rush a few days before.

Love to hate switches quick.

When it’s beautiful on me for hours I sometimes forget where I am. I am going to put that onto a track. I find him and he says I’m very far away. I am trying to be close. I tell him I might quit him or a job or smoking. I just want to have something else put in me and why. Space. An art trap. I am going to snap that claw bear trap metal sharp on his foot and make art. This doesn’t work. The impossibility of it was the art, now we gotta figure out the next step. Where you go and find the possible. It is not so exciting. Feels very hopeless. I wrote him a song. While he was gone.

The computer warms my stomach and all the possible future babies that happened to my friends.

Finding my ex boyfriend online and realizing he Is now a Pensyltucky skinhead. Or close or what.

Nothing incriminating please…we do have to go home

The pain magically disappeared. Hey it picks on up again.

Hertz

Knowing that the fibers that cover you will pour off, slough away

The beta wave 14-30 Hz: thinking deeply about little, tiring self out

Floppy gun laws only mentioned in UK sources

The beta wave 14-30 Hz: confront external stimuli, brings panic

Home can’t admit what home does

The alpha wave 8-14 Hz: daydreaming introspection

Brother sitting in his group home applauding

The alpha wave 8-14 Hz: too little makes us human machines

Count candles

The alpha wave 8-14 Hz: psychic experiences can happen, eyes closed

Wear a cobweb over the whole body

Amplitude of beta wave less than alpha wave, but positive and negative are canceling out so the sum of electrical activity is less

Register photographs as support

The theta wave 4-7 Hz: places where you hold memories, sensations, emotions

Where the floppy guns go down the river and into hands

The theta wave 4-7 Hz: store secrets that we block out in times of pain, that we feel unprepared to fix

Feel sorry for the villain

The theta wave 4-7 Hz: too much can cause attention problems and hyperactivity

Watch them become clusters

Frontal midline (FM) theta associated clinically with extroversion, low neuroticism

I knew the name of the ant in the ant farm. I said I could tell it apart from the other ants.

Alcohol and Valium affecting FM theta waves

Recognition and telling apart. It is closer than you know.

A photo of a man pointing a gun at the wrong man on the floor called Asian.

Too much slow wave can cause the seeking of external stimuli

Practicing on the same video games that prepare soldiers for Iraq.

Alpha-theta border: conscious but body is in a complete state of relaxation

The President pretends to pray.

The delta wave: 0-4 Hz: deep dreamless sleep

Shed bookbags, shed houses, shed some blood, shed shed shed.

The delta wave: 0-4 Hz: may increase during difficult mental activities requiring concentration

Shed my cobweb.

The delta wave: 0-4 Hz: provide personal radar and feelings at unconscious levels

It is mild compared to all the things we can’t see.

The delta wave: 0-4 Hz: can cause empathy but too much causes carrying too much of others’ baggage

He didn’t want anyone to buy anything. He was bitter about trust funds.

If you can read people’s minds, you probably have a lot of delta

Count changes in real time

Everything altering waves in the brain. Those with a special intention

Discontinuation syndrome

Bondage

You know you ended up in that quadrant and then nothing would ever

You knew you were there to be strewn

Catalepsy coming over and knocking somebody still

We are imagining balloons and then lead pipes

You in the basement moving needles on and off of records always see you in the same position bound to that moment so hot as you never left your house or town and always profusely of soap but would not go in the shower with me

The smell of that room the way you know you are in a place and perhaps intimidated by size difference you don’t know the scent until you’ve been away and finally returned

By accepting the compliment, you show high regard for the person who gives it
until that point you never understood why it was so hard to just take it and take it and take it

The idea of snapping a rubber band against your wrist while trying just to not think of certain things, you know the behaviorist demon is telling how great that’ll make you feel, though you like to be slapped

It always is easy to turn it into some kind of sexual gist, oh to be one of the guys, as I am this breasted thing that cannot have a tough fist salutation, I say I want the hard fist as some other sound and comments are made and four gazes go in different directions

You know, a comment can go in two ways at once and this (⇔) makes people think you are very so smart. If you realize there is this spring inside every situation it is easier to pull back. A spring could get overstretched and break. This aids you in pulling back.

Also four times in one day: encountering on the street the same drunk encountered on the bus. Attention compliant with hair and skirt. Fill in any face here. Arms: does not matter if they are there or not. You will not be the one doing the holding.

Love men and women and all in between and all the suggestion that exists without crushing. The same patterns happening is the scary part. It is different to be working toward some other thing, but you’re just not.

aura1Lara Durback thinking about energy or that space in between every person and thing. And her name always confusing. Never committing to a form of art but always writing first. Talking, music, food, handmade leather earrings, printing, digging through trash & gluing, dancing, yoga. People people people people and cats and public transportation.

contact: fluorescentpeacock@hotmail.com
For Poets Theatre involvement and installation, http://smallpresstraffic.blogspot.com/

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